Grow

Working Effectively with Desire Discrepancy in Couples

Spontaneous, Responsive, Relational

Workshop Purpose

This workshop offers a clear, integrative, and clinically grounded approach to working with desire discrepancy in couples, through a psychosexual lens that sits in direct dialogue with Relational Life Therapy (RLT).

Sexuality remains one of the least well-integrated areas of psychotherapy and couples therapy training. It is often treated as a specialist or stand-alone modality, leaving many therapists under-resourced and lacking confidence when working with sexual issues in clinical practice. As a result, desire discrepancy—one of the most common presenting issues in couples therapy—is frequently misunderstood, pathologised, or approached in ways that inadvertently increase shame, blame, and relational polarisation.

This workshop seeks to bring sexuality back into the relational centre of therapeutic work.

Drawing from contemporary psychosexual theory, including models of sexual arousal, spontaneous and responsive desire, and the role of context in shaping erotic experience, this workshop offers a framework that helps therapists normalise desire discrepancy and work with it more effectively.

At the heart of this approach is the understanding that desire is not fixed or trait-based, but relational, contextual, and responsive. Rather than asking “what is wrong with one partner?”, the work shifts toward understanding the conditions under which desire can emerge, develop, and be sustained within the relationship.

Through the integration of psychosexual principles with an RLT-informed relational stance, participants will learn how to support couples in moving out of blame and impasse, and into curiosity, collaboration, and the conscious co-creation of an erotic relationship.

This workshop is open to trainee and qualified therapists, counsellors, psychologists, coaches, and mental health professionals who work with individuals or couples.

 

It is particularly relevant for:

 

  • Couples therapists wanting to feel more confident working with sexual issues
  • Individual therapists supporting clients with relationship and intimacy concerns
  • Practitioners interested in integrating psychosexual understanding into their clinical work
  • Professionals trained in RLT or relational models who want to deepen their work around desire and sexuality

The workshop will offer an overview of:

 

  • Why sexuality remains under-integrated in psychotherapy and couples therapy training, and the clinical implications of this
  • Desire discrepancy as a central and often misunderstood presenting issue in couples work
  • The normalisation of desire discrepancy as a relational and contextual phenomenon rather than a personal deficit
  • The distinction between spontaneous and responsive desire, and how desire evolves in long-term relationships
  • The role of psychoeducation in reducing shame, blame, and relational polarisation
  • Linear vs circular models of sexual arousal, and how these shape expectations and experiences of sex
  • Practical frameworks for helping couples clarify the kind of erotic relationship they want
  • The use of “conditions for good sex” as a way of identifying what supports desire
  • The application of “brakes and accelerators” to understand what inhibits or facilitates sexual engagement

Participants will:

 

  • Develop a clearer understanding of how desire operates within long-term relationships
  • Learn how to assess and reframe desire discrepancy in a clinically useful and non-pathologising way
  • Explore key psychosexual concepts that can be shared directly with clients as psychoeducation
  • Gain practical tools and frameworks to support couples in working collaboratively with desire
  • Understand how to shift conversations from blame and rejection to curiosity and shared responsibility
  • Explore how to integrate a psychosexual lens within an RLT-informed relational framework
  • Engage in discussion, reflection, and clinical application

Dolma Beresford is a UKCP- and BACP-accredited psychotherapist with an MA in Psychosynthesis Psychology. She works in private practice in London with individuals and couples, offering an integrative, trauma-informed approach.

 

Her work brings together Psychosynthesis, Relational Life Therapy (RLT), Trauma-Informed Stabilisation Treatment (TIST), and psychosexual therapy. She has a particular interest in working with desire discrepancy and supporting couples in navigating intimacy, sexuality, and long-term relational change.

 

Dolma teaches and delivers workshops internationally, with a focus on integrating relational, trauma-informed, and psychosexual approaches in contemporary psychotherapy. Her work emphasises practical application, clinical clarity, and supporting therapists to feel more confident working with complex relational dynamics.

Dolma’s workshop was a masterful synthesis of complex material, delivered with clarity, rigour, and deep passion… Her commitment to reclaiming the contributions of Psychosynthesis, and of Assagioli himself, felt both timely and necessary. A rare and inspiring offering.

Enquiry here below!

    New Magazine Feature & Therapy Insights

    I’m delighted to share that my latest article has been published in the June edition of Therapy Today magazine. Subscribe to receive therapy insights, new publications, workshops, and updates directly to your inbox.

    Available to read in my Blog.
    By subscribing, you agree to our Terms & Conditions